On Jan 21, 2004, at 8:11 AM, Don Calfa wrote:
> Does anybody have the OS airline comparison handy?
>
> In case you're not familiar, each OS is compared as an airline,
> examples: NT 4 explodes and takes out other airplanes in the sky,
> Linux: you have to build your seat but it's the most comfortable
> experience...
If an O/S Ran Your Airplane
DOS Airline:
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and
let the
plane coast until it hits the ground again, then they push again, jump
on
again and so on.
DOS Airline 2:
Passengers are handed maps, compasses, rulers, pencils and an airplane
manual (shrink wrapped) as they enter the plane. Have to figure out
how to
get the plane to wherever they want to go. Some succeed very well.
Others
crash, but they shouldn't have been messing around with airplanes
anyway.
DOS with QEMM Airline:
The same thing but with more leg room to push.
Mac Airline:
All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket
agents look the same, act the same, and talk the same. Every time you
ask
questions about details, you are told you don't need to know, don't
want to
know, and that everything will be done for you without you having to
know,
so just shut up.
Amiga Airline:
The airport terminal is nice and colorful, with friendly stewards and
stewardesses, easy access to the plane, an uneventful takeoff. For the
more
adventurous: travelers can travel on multiple planes and visit multiple
destinations all at the same time. During these multiple plane trips
the user
can even take a side trip on Mac, DOS, Unix, or Windows airlines.
Windows Airline:
The airport terminal is nice and colorful, with friendly stewards and
stewardesses, easy access to the plane, and a completely uneventful
takeoff...then, once in the air, the plane blows up without any warning
whatsoever.
Windows95 Airline:
The terminal is very neat and clean, the attendants are all very
attractive and the pilots very capable. The fleet is immense. After
your plane arrives 6 months late, you begin to wonder why it has not
arrived yet. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushing above the
clouds, and at 20,000 feet it crashes without warning.
OS/2 Airline:
To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped ten different times by
standing in ten different lines. Then you fill out a form showing
where you
want to sit and whether the plan should look and feel like an ocean
liner, a
passenger train, or a bus. If you succeed in getting on board the
plane and
the plane succeeds in getting off the ground, you have a wonderful
trip...
except for the times when the rudder and flaps get frozen in position,
in
which case you have time to say your prayers and get in crash position.
OS/2 Airline 2:
The terminal is almost empty -- only a few prospective
passengers mill about. The announcer says that a flight has just
departed, although no plane appears to be on the runway. Airline
personnel apologize profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing
from time to time to the sleek, powerful jets outside. They tell each
passenger how great the flight will be on these new jets and how much
safer it will be than Windows Airlines, but they will have to wait a
little longer for the technicians to finish the flight systems. Maybe
until mid-1995. Maybe longer.
OS/2 Airline 3 :
To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped 10 different times
by standing in 10 different lines. Then you fill out a form showing
where you want to sit and whether it should look and feel like an
ocean liner, a passenger train, or a bus. If you succeed in getting on
board the plane and the plane succeeds in getting off the ground, you
have a wonderful trip . . . . except times when the rudder and flaps
get frozen in position, in which case you have time to say your prayers
and get yourself prepared before the crash.
Unix Airline:
Everyone brings one piece of the plane with them when they come to the
airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together
piece by
piece, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they're building.
The passengers split into groups and build several different aircraft
but give
them all the same name. Only some passengers reach their destinations,
but
all of them believe they arrived.
Mach Airline:
There is no airplane. The passengers gather and shout for an airplane,
then
wait and wait and wait and wait. A bunch of people come, each carrying
one
piece of the plane with them. These people all go out on the runway and
put
the plane together piece by piece, arguing constantly about what kind of
plane they're building. The plane finally takes off, leaving the
passengers
on the ground waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. After the
plane
lands, the pilot telephones the passengers at the departing airport to
inform them that they have arrived.
Win NT Airline:
Everyone marches out on the runway, says the password in unison, and
forms
the outline of an airplane. Then they all sit down and make a whooshing
sound like they're flying.
MPE Airline:
It's a little difficult to get a ticket because you have to sign up for
the
right plane, specify you want a seat to sit in, identify each piece of
baggage
and list it on your ticket, and once you enter the plane you may never
see the
same steward/ess twice. However, once the plane takes off, the ride is
exceptionally smooth and usually on-time, unless you cross a timezone
(this
results in your being placed in a holding pattern for 1 hour until the
plane's
clock and the local clocks are synchronized). Should the unthinkable
happen
and your flight ends in a crash, you will be magically whisked back to
the
origin of the flight where you will be placed on the next plane out.
OS/400 Airline:
The airline has bought ancient DC-3s, arguably the best and safest
planes
that ever flew and painted "747" on their tails to make them look as if
they are fast. The flight attendants, of course, attend to your every
need,
though the drinks cost $15 a pop. Stupid questions cost $230 per hour,
unless you have SupportLine, which requires a first class ticket and
membership in the frequent flyer club.
MVS Airline:
The passengers all gather in the hanger, watching hundreds of
technicians
check the flight systems on this immense, luxury aircraft. This plane
has
at least 10 engines and seats over 1,000 passengers. All the passengers
scramble aboard, as do the necessary complement of 200 technicians. The
pilot takes his place up in the glass cockpit. He guns the engines, only
to realise that the plane is too big to get through the hangar doors!
Newton Airline:
After buying your tickets 18 months in advance, you finally get to
board the
plane. Upon boarding the plane, you are asked for your name. After
4-6 times,
the crew member recognizes your name and you are then allowed to take
your
seat. As you are getting ready to take your seat, the steward
announces that
you will have to repeat the boarding process because they are out of
room and
need to recount to make sure they can take more passengers.
-------- added later
Linux Airline
Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start
their own
airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways
themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the
ticket,
but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board
the
plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the
seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very
comfortable,
the plan leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the
in-flight
meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines
about the
great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do WHAT with the seat?"
(text/plain)