OT: a humorous look at security alerts (and levels)

[Technomage]

this one I culled from a politics newsgroup (don't ask where!).

It is rather a humorous take on security.

have fun....

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As many are aware, the French government recently announced a rise in 
its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The normal level is 
"General Arrogance", and the only two higher levels in France are 
"Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a fire 
during the recent riots that destroyed France's only white flag factory, 
effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert:  Italy 
has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and Excitedly" to 
"Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain, "Ineffective 
Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdain" to "Dress in 
Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They have two higher levels:  "Invade 
a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe, the Americans have gone from 
"Isolationism" to "Find Another Oil-rich Nation for Regime Change". 
Their remaining higher alert states are "Attack Random Countries 
(ideally those without any credible military)" and "Beg the British for 
Help".

The British are also feeling the pinch in relation to the recent London 
bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". 
Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or 
even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the 
Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been 
re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the 
British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the Great 
Fire of 1666.

The Aussies have raised their security level from "All Right Mate" to 
"'Ere We Go Again", and Matilda has reportedly been seen waltzing around 
the Sydney Opera House. The remaining Aussie higher alert states are 
"Bloody Poms" and "Damn Kiwi Sheep Shaggers".

Canada, as usual, has simply moved up to the "Rose Coloured Glasses" 
alert state, and the Federal Parliament has upped the number of illegal 
refugees allowed in to the country.