What's wrong with my resume?

As you may have noticed from my general attitude of late, I'm having
difficulty finding employment.

Since I'll assume most of you have been able to acquire technical employment
in the Phoenix area, I figure you're a reasonable lot to ask. If I were to
post up my resume, would any of you be willing to venture opinions as to what's
wrong with it? (I'd send it directly to those who enquire, rather than dump a
30k attachment on the list)

I'm thinking there must be some sort of door-opener skill I'm neglecting to
include, or possibly I have to figure out how to make OpenOffice attach a $10
bill to each resume I send out. :D

Two points which can be addressed without showing the whole document, feel
free to chime in:

1) What's reasonable for entry-level software engineer / programmer
positions here? I see all these cute "estimator tools" and studies claiming numbers
which frankly seem to not jive with what people say they're willing to offer.
I can see being lowballed, but I almost wonder if they're going way below
lowballing so they can say "well, we tried, write us a H1B authorization."

2) My resume gives another email address (hakfoo@gmail.com) because 1) I
like the featureset of Gmail better and 2) I'm convinced even a free email site
looks better than an @aol.com address. :/ Some friends insist I should get a
firstname.lastname style address instead (the username I chose is an obscure
cartoon character) but does that really make a difference? Frankly, there are
plenty of equally obscure addresses out there, especially at popular sites
where all the good names are taken. :D

3) Are there any employment agencies/temp firms that you'd reccomend?
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