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On Thu, 2003-09-25 at 10:34, keith smith wrote:
> The headlines read "Keith goes to jail for trying to update his cell
> phone calendar by using Linux - Hackers strike again!"
I think it will read a little more like this:
Linux hacker attacks cell network
Phoneix, AZ - On Monday three SWAT teams were able to apprehend Linux
hacker Kevin Smith with only minor injuries to Smith. Smith was
reported to be using his Motorola v120e phone with a modified cable to
allow him to break into the proprietary interface that keeps normal
users from accessing the phone's internals.
"Once you have control of the phone, you can do anything." Bob Brown,
self-certified expert, told News 13. "You could log into the phone
network, perhaps even destabilizing it." This destabilization could
cause interruptions to life saving services, like 911.
Mr. Smith claims that he was only trying to retrieve 'his data' out of
the phone, but was unable to find it. "The GPL is a virus. First the
users think they can look at the software, then they think they need to
know hardware protocols, then they want to open your bank account!"=20
said one Microsoft FUDmaster commenting on the case. "We've been trying
to warn the public about these kinds of abuses, and the effects that
they can have on perfectly good children" continued the sponsor of the
ad to the right of this story.
"You never know what they are going to do" stated Sherrif Joe when
commenting on why the SWAT teams entered the home shooting. "In his
hands was one of the offending devices - we thought that he might have
been taking down a critical network right then!" explained Joe. On
further investigation it was found that Smith was talking to his
Grandmother, but her phone number did include the number 9 and two 1's.
Smith also belonged to a set of elite hackers innocuously know as the
Phoenix Linux User's Group (PLUG). This group, while they hide behind
public service projects like instructional classes, contains the elite
criminals that Linux is known for. "Many times they discuss the core of
the operating system, the kernel" said one list member who wishes to
remain anonymous.
The group has even gone has far to include a 'Grandmother's cheesecake'
ruse into their nefarious planning. Reports say that cheesecake is
brought in to make the appearance of there being just 'normal' people in
the club. "Oh, they aren't normal" said another member.
Richard Stallman was brought in to the FBI for questioning along with
this case, but no one has been able to crack him. With almost
continuous recorder music and relentless discussion of the rights of
users many agents have retired from the agency when forced to deal with
him. On a related note, it is also reported that the agency will be
changing it's name to GNU/FBI.
--Ted
I wasn't paranoid until they started following me...
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