Hi Hans,
<chainsaw>
Make your dates Corporate American, not European or Military.
Spell out Saturday.
Second paragraph, begins with a clause, but you are missing the comma,
making it a run-on sentence. It should be: "Before the InstallFest
event, organizer William Lindley, a . . ."
Ditto on the third paragraph: "After the InstallFest, Jim Wejroch,
steering committee . . ."
Ditto on the fourth paragraph: "In addition to the software installs,
there were several . . ."
Parenthetical items do not have a space on each side of the parenthesis:
"( AZOTO )" should be "(AZOTO)" (multiple occurrences).
Seventh paragraph makes me ask: "What do these two sentences have to do
with each other?" Maybe you can combine it with the previous paragraph?
Debian is a proper noun and must be capitalized in your ninth paragraph.
The first three paragraphs under "What is Free Software?" is confusing
and conflicting. I also do not agree with it - it seems you are
comparing and contrasting Copyright Law and GNU Public Licensing, when
they actually complement each other. Much of our beloved Free Software
is copyrighted. It is further licensed to allow for freedom. I suggest
plagiarizing, er, I mean, borrowing the FSF's spiel in this topic.
Last paragraph in that section mentions "the four freedoms of Free
Software" but I did not see them mentioned. Did I miss them? Be
explicit and put these four freedoms in front of me, or don't mention
them.
I suggest changing the wording of the first paragraph of section
"InstallFest2" to: "Due to the success of the July InstallFest, as well
as many requests for a subsequent event, PLUG has scheduled InstallFest2
at Glendale Community College on Saturday, September 28, 2002."
Third paragraph of that section - try to avoid negative words like
"not." I suggest rewording "were designed to not have the security
holes" to "were designed to avoid the security holes"
</chainsaw>
Feeling ripped yet?
Regards,
George Toft
(Anyone looking for a tech writer?)
"der.hans" wrote:
>
> moin, moin,
>
> below is the Computer Buyer article as it now stands. I need to send it in,
> but please critique it for me. I want a good article to help support what
> we're doing. Feel free to rip it to shreds if have problems with it.
>
> Please also feel free to give me quotes I can use for the article. I will
> probably have to shorten it a lot from where it currently stands, but I'm
> gonna try to get as much covered as they'll allow and as makes sense.
>
> I'll fix references when I get it ready to submit to CB.
>
> ciao,
>
> der.hans
>
> ###
> Welcome to the InstallFest
>
> What is an InstallFest?
>
> An InstallFest is a gathering where volunteers offer expert technical
> assistance in installing Free Software, usually GNU/Linux, to the
> public, all free of charge. The Phoenix Linux Users Group ( PLUG
> [1] ) put on a 6 hour InstallFest at Scottsdale Community College on Sat,
> 22Jun2002.
>
> Before the InstallFest event organizer William Lindley, a computer
> consultant, said, "This is what the Free Software community is all about -
> helping each other."
>
> After the InstallFest Jim Wejroch, steering committee member of PLUG, wrote,
> 'Does the word "success" ring a bell?' in describing the InstallFest. With
> 39 GNU/Linux installs and 150 to 200 people in attendance PLUG was very
> happy with the event.
>
> In addition to the software installs there were several presentations and
> lots of giveaways from the InstallFest's commercial sponsors. Presentation
> topics covered GNU/Linux and Free Software, the Linux Termninal Server
> Project ( LTSP ) and Open Source On the Educational Desktop.
>
> There was even homemade cheesecake from a presenter's grandma.
>
> The Arizona Open Technology Organization ( AZOTO ), a non-profit dedicated
> to supporting Free Software and Open Standards in Arizona, helped sponsor
> the InstallFest as did Tucson-based non-profit Open Source Education
> Foundation ( OSEF ), which helps schools adopt Open Source for their
> technology needs.
>
> Both groups provided presenters, people to help with the install and support
> in organizing the InstallFest. OSEF has since finished the process of
> earning 501(c)(3) Tax Exempt Charitable status.
>
> Lycoris, a commercial Linux distribution, flew people in from northern
> California to help with the installs. Red Hat, the most well-known
> commercial Linux distribution, brought people from their Global Professional
> Services organization in from Flagstaff.
>
> There were volunteers helping install various GNU/Linux distributions
> including members from the debian community. Debian is a community-based
> distribution built by volunteers.
>
> What is the LTSP?
>
> The Linux Termninal Server Project is an innovative, cost-effective solution
> to traditional desktop problems. It has been garnering much interest in
> Phoenix. The LTSP allows using older, inexpensive hardware as lightning
> quick desktops.
>
> The LTSP desktops reduce maintenance costs by centralizing software
> maintenance and having fewer hardware requirements, such as not needing hard
> drives.
>
> Matt Alexander, system administrator for Tempe-based NewVision, has said
> that after his boss asked for an alternative desktop solution Matt was able
> to save NewVision over $20,000 and provide a more stable environment for his
> 60 co-workers by switching to Free Software.
>
> Matt gave a well-recieved presentation and demo of LTSP. He will
> be giving a presentation again as well as helping people install the LTSP at
> the upcoming InstallFest2.
>
> What is Free Software?
>
> The idea behind Free Software is that people using software need certain
> freedoms that are not necessarily guaranteed by copyright law.
>
> Firstly, they need to be able to use the software for whatever purpose
> they choose. Next they need the freedom to study the program and make
> changes. Thirdly, people need the freedom to let others use the software and
> finally people need the freedom to pass on the changes they've made to the
> software.
>
> Software licenses such as the GNU General Public License ( GPL ) extend
> further freedoms to those who use the software, while most commercial
> software licenses actually restrict the freedoms guaranteed by copyright
> law.
>
> While it is true that most people won't be interested in changing the source
> code it is important that those who want to can. Removing the source code
> and the freedom to change it is similar to closing all hardware stores
> and not allowing people to fix things around the house or work on their
> cars. Actually, it's worse. If one person fixes something in a program
> everyone can benefit from that fix, whereas changing your lightbulb only
> affects the area around that one lightbulb.
>
> The Open Source movement is similar to the Free Software movement, but with
> less emphasis on the four freedoms of Free Software. Both movements actually
> draw from the same community and rely on the same model of community
> involvement.
>
> InstallFest2
>
> Due to the success of the July InstallFest and many requests for another
> one PLUG has scheduled InstallFest2 at Glendale Community College on
> Sat, 28Sep2002. The second InstallFest will have some new presentations,
> including OpenOffice, the BSA, Free Software Licenses, and Information
> Rights.
>
> Something PLUG is adding to the second InstallFest is help for installing
> Free Software on Microsoft operating systems. Free Software that runs on
> Microsoft includes things like OpenOffice, an office suite, Mozilla, a
> web browser and email client, the GIMP, a graphics manipulation program,
> apache, the world's most popular web server, MySQL, a database, and popular
> development languages such as PHP, Perl, and Python.
>
> One of the advantages of the Free Software email and web software is that
> they were designed to not have the security holes allowing viruses that have
> plagued the software that comes with the Microsoft operating systems.
>
> There are also rumors that there will be more cheesecake at InstallFest2 :).
>
> PLUG will be giving away CDs with demo versions of GNU/Linux that run from
> the CDROM without the need to repartition the hard drive.
>
> See the PLUG home page or write InstallFest@PLUG.phoenix.az.us for more
> information about attending the InstallFest and what to bring.
>
> An InstallFest is a prime example of community involvement. Come join the
> Freedom Festival...
>
> [1] http://PLUG.phoenix.az.us/
> http://www.AZOTO.org/
> http://www.OSEF.org/
> http://www.Lycoris.com/
> http://www.RedHat.com/
> http://www.Debian.org/
>
> --
> # https://www.LuftHans.com/
> # "... the social skills of a cow on acid." - der.hans
>
> ________________________________________________
> See http://PLUG.phoenix.az.us/navigator-mail.shtml if your mail doesn't post to the list quickly and you use Netscape to write mail.
>
> PLUG-discuss mailing list - PLUG-discuss@lists.plug.phoenix.az.us
> http://lists.PLUG.phoenix.az.us/mailman/listinfo/plug-discuss
(text/plain)