Confrontation and bickering (Was: Re: chix finder)

[Matt Graham]

From: "Erich Newell" <erich.newell at gmail.com>
> That said, it has been my experience that all discussion groups that are
> comprised of a wide array of participants will occasionally fall into
> disharmony. It is the way of the universe.

One basic notion underlying Usenet is that it is a cooperative.  Having
been on USENET for going on ten years, I disagree with this.  The basic
notion underlying USENET is the flame.  --Chuq Von Rospach

(OK, Usenet != mailing list, but the basic principles are similar....)

> As for me, I enjoy knowing and being friends with
> people who have radically different views than my own. We can argue until
> 2am to the point where we're foaming at the mouth...and once we're tired of
> tearing down each others ideas, sit back and have a cup of coffee

This is good, and is one of the signs of a mature mind.  However, not
everyone can do that.  (I try, but I don't always succeed.)

> For those who seem unable to debate without personal insult: Please learn
to
> focus discussion on the topic at hand and not the belief structure or
mental
> faculties of others involved in the conversation.

Argumentum ad hominem is just so *easy*, though.  If a thing is easy, people
will do it.  I don't know a good way to defuse that... maybe on a list or
Usenet, the best thing to do is to [snip] the ad hominem bits and not reply
to them.

> My feelings are indestructible.

Words like "N is indestructible!" are typically followed by N being 
destructed in a highly dramatic manner, if I'm reading the Evil Overlord
List correctly (-: .

> Debate and discourse feed my soul and help me to shape the
> axioms of my life and allow me to better understand others...even those who
> infuriate me to no end. (You know who you are)

If everyone followed the principles you stated, the world would be a much
better place and all the mailing lists and newsfroups would be Full Of
Awesome.  Unfortunately, people are people, and they get crabby or say
dumb things.  Long-term, the best thing to do is probably like
Siddhartha G. and T.S. Eliot said:  "Give, be compassionate."