The X(mas) Files] [NOT exactly linux related, but good for a laugh!]

[Hawke]

 Mulder: We're too late. It's already been here. 

 Scully: Mulder, I hope you know what you are doing.
 
 
 Mulder: Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir,
truncated,
 mounted, transformed into some sort of shrine. Halls decked with boughs
of
 holly. Stockings hung by the chimney, with care. 

 Scully: You really think someone's been here? 

 Mulder: Someone or some THING. 

 Scully: Mulder, over here! -- it's fruitcake. 

 Mulder: Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal. 

 Scully: It's okay. There's a note attached: "Gonna find out who's
naughty
 and nice." 
 
 Mulder: It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list. 

 Scully: Who? What are you talking about? 
 
 Mulder: Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could
 travel at great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants. Once
each
 year, near the winter solstice, this creature is said to descend from
the
 heavens to reward its followers and punish its disbelievers with jagged
 chunks of anthracite. 

 Scully: But that's legend, Mulder-a story told by parents to frighten
 children. Surely, you don't believe it? 

 Mulder: Something was here tonight, Scully. Check out the bite marks on
 this gingerbread man. Whatever tore through this plate of cookies was
 massive-and in a hurry. 

 Scully: It left crumbs everywhere. And look, Mulder, this milk glass
has
 been completely drained. 

 Mulder: It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without remorse.

 Scully: But why would they leave it milk and cookies? 
 
 Mulder: Appeasement. Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop its
wilding.
 
 Scully: But if this thing does exist, how did it get in? The doors and
 windows were locked. There's no sign of forced entry. 

 Mulder: Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace. 

 Scully: Wait a minute, Mulder. If you are saying some huge creature
landed
 on the roof and came down the chimney, you're crazy. The flue is barely
 six inches wide. Nothing could get through there. 
 
 Mulder: But what if it could alter its shape, move in all directions. 

 Scully: You mean, like a bowl full of jelly? 
 
 Mulder: Exactly. Scully, I've never told anyone this, but when I was a
 child my home was visited. I saw the creature. It had long white strips
of
 fur surrounding its ruddy, misshapen head. Its bloated torso was red
and
 white. I'll never forget the horror. I turned away, and when I looked
back
 it had somehow taken on the facial features of my father. 

 Scully: Impossible. 

 Mulder: I know what I saw. And that night it read my mind. It brought
me a
 Mr. Potato Head, Scully. IT KNEW I WANTED A MR. POTATO HEAD. 

 Scully: I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard the laws
of
 physics. You want me to believe in some supernatural being who soars
 across the skies and brings gifts to good little girls and boys. Listen
to
 what you are saying. Do you understand the repercussions? If this gets
 out, they'll close the X-files. 

 Mulder: Scully, listen to me: It knows when you are sleeping. It knows
 when you're awake. 

 Scully: But we have no proof. 

 Mulder: Last year, on this exact date, S.E.T.I. radio telescopes
detected
 bogeys in the airspace over twenty-seven states. The White House
ordered a
 Condition Red. 

 Scully: But that was a meteor shower. 

 Mulder: Officially. Two days ago, eight prized Scandinavian reindeer
 vanished from the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. Nobody - not even
the
 zookeeper - was told about it. The government doesn't want people to
know
 about Project Kringle. They fear that if this thing is proved to exist,
 then the public would stop spending half its annual income in a holiday
 shopping frenzy. Retail markets will collapse. Scully,they cannot let
the
 world believe this creature lives. There's too much at stake. They'll
do
 whatever it takes to insure another silent night. 

 Scully: Mulder, I-

 Mulder: Sh-h-h! Do you hear what I hear? 

 Scully: On the roof. It sounds like . . . a clatter. 
 
 Mulder: The truth is up there. Let's see what's the matter. 
 The rest is up to your imagination :-)