How to get a dial-up 'net connect with Linux on a laptop?

[Josef Lowder]

I've tried, Mandriva, PCLOS, Mepis, Xandros, and Ubuntu on my new laptop, 
and none of them seem to be able to provide a modem connect to the 'net. 

Why does this have to be so incredibly complicated?  Do I need to take 
this new HP Pavilion ZV6100 back and get something different in order 
to get one that can connect to the 'net with an internal modem and 
get a wireless connect?  Why should one have to waste so much time 
jumping through so many nuisance hoops to try to solve this mystery? 

While I hope to avoid M$ as much as possible, I do have to give them 
credit in the fact that everything works, "out of the box" on this HP. 

Isn't there some Linux distro that can match that performance 
on a laptop at a reasonable price? 

Merry Christmas, everyone.