OT Humor: An Engineer's Christmas

[AZ Pete]

I thought fellow list members would appreciate this!


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>There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the=20
>world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu,=20
>Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the=20
>workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million=20
>(according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census)=20
>rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes,=20
>presuming there is at least one good child in each.
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>Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the=20
>different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west=
=20
>(which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is=
=20
>to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has=20
>around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the=20
>chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the=20
>tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney,=
=20
>jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house.
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>Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around=
=20
>the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the=
=20
>purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per=20
>household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops=
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>or breaks.
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>This means Santa=92s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times=
=20
>the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made=20
>vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second,=20
>and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.
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>The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that=
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>each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds),=20
>the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousands tons, not counting Santa=20
>himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300=20
>pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the=20
>normal amount, the job can=92t be done with eight or even nine of=20
>them---Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not=20
>counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven=20
>times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).
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>600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air=20
>resistance=97this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a=20
>spacecraft re-entering the earth=92s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer=
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>would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short,=
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>they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer=
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>behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire=20
>reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or=20
>right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.
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>Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating=20
>from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to=20
>acceleration forces of 17,000 g=92s. A 250 pound Santa (which seems=20
>ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015=20
>pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him=
=20
>to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he=92s dead=
 now.
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>Merry Christmas!